My husband took part in a research study on noncustodial dad's two years ago. We just got some of the results. Here they are:
SUMMARY OF FINDINGS:
A. OVERVIEW
Fathering is both a right and a responsibility.
But it isn't so much about entitlement as it is
about responsibility. Parenting is more about
giving than taking. Most important, children need
their fathers. Somehow it seems inadequate to
say, "I'm entitled to be your father;" rather, as
parents, it is up to us to say, "I am responsible
for you, as I best know your needs (along with
mothers). I am entitled to the support of social
institutions (such as the courts) in the
fulfillment of my parental responsibilities."
This is different than "I'm entitled to my
entitlements" and "the state should provide these
for me." Do not dishonour the father; honour the
father: children need to see their fathers and
mothers honoured by society to an equal degree.
My main recommendation is thus 50-50 shared
parenting when parents cannot agree on parenting
arrangements after separation, rebuttable only
when there is an investigated finding of child
abuse. Only then can a court make the decision to
remove a parent from the child's life, and even
then it is to act with great caution. At present
there is an epidemic of child removals via sole
custody judgments; rather than supporting
fathers, we take them away from their children's
lives--and this is a form of child abuse.
B. BACKGROUND TO PROJECT
A total of 82 separated and divorced fathers were
interviewed as part of a study utilizing
narrative analysis to examine fathers' stories
about their divorces, particularly in regard to
their relationship with their children, and
grounded theory analysis to uncover core themes
related to fathers' perceptions of their
children's needs during the divorce transition,
and their paternal responsibilities vis-à-vis
these needs. Fathers were recruited via divorced
father associations and word of mouth, after
attempts at recruitment via professional service
organizations failed. Over 150 fathers from
southwestern British Columbia, mainly Greater
Vancouver and South Vancouver Island, volunteered
to participate in the project. For many, this was
their first opportunity to tell their story,
despite lengthy histories of involvement with the
legal system, and to reflect on their experiences.
The data are rich and the themes that have
emerged from the analysis extremely varied, yet
certain core constructs are common to almost all
fathers. In particular, both the concepts of
paternal rights and paternal responsibilities are
important to fathers, and for the majority, each
has been violated within the present legal or
adversarial structure of child custody
determination in Canada. The divorce industry as
a whole is regarded as a system that oppresses
men as fathers, in addition to oppressing women
as mothers, extended family members, and most
importantly, children from separated and divorced
families whose parents cannot agree on parenting
arrangements and the court has become involved in
determining what these shall be. Specifically,
two central issues stand out for fathers: the
need to replace legal sole custody with legal
shared parenting; and the need for access
enforcement. Although fathers are divided with
respect to the salience of each of the latter two
concepts, the great majority consider both as
critical issues affecting separated and divorced
fathers in Canada today.
C. PRELIMINARY RESULTS
Quantitative data
Results show a sharp discontinuity between pre-
and post-divorce parent-child living
arrangements, more marked than reported in
earlier studies, in the direction of equal or
shared parenting shifting to primary maternal
custody. Whereas 38 of 82 fathers reported shared
parenting arrangements before divorce (defined as
the point of physical parental separation), only
10 of 82 reported shared parenting arrangements
after divorce. Whereas 20 of 82 fathers reported
primary maternal care arrangements before
divorce, 62 of 82 reported primary maternal care
arrangements after divorce. Second, inasmuch as
it addresses the core needs of children, the most
salutary post-divorce living arrangement for
children, according to 70 of the 82 fathers, is
equal or shared parenting. Only 4 fathers
identified primary paternal care, and 4 primary
maternal care, in this regard. Third, insofar as
it addresses the core needs of children, fathers
believe that the most responsible legal approach
to child custody determination is that of shared
parenting as a presumption, rebuttable in cases
of established family violence or child abuse;
sixty four of 82 fathers identified the need for
such a presumption, while only 4 identified the
approximation standard (as endorsed by the
American Law Institute) and 2 a maternal
caregiver presumption. Sixty nine of 82 fathers
were in favour of some form of mandatory family
mediation. Finally, divorced fathers are quite
diverse in regard to their attitudes and opinions
about fathering: for some a shared parenting
presumption is the priority, for others access
enforcement; some see one dominant unfulfilled
need in their children resulting from father
absence, others see many; some are focused on
fathers' rights, others simply on being supported
to fulfill their parental responsibilities. On
certain key points, however, fathers agree: both
rights and responsibilities are important, and
must be in balance; both shared parenting and
access enforcement are important and related
issues; and, most important, the "best interests
of the child" is equivalent to the child's needs,
and certain needs stick out-and crucially require
father involvement for need fulfillment.
The participants were a diverse and
representative group demographically, ranging in
age from their 20's to 70's, with most in their
40's and 50's, most working full-time and
parenting their kids full-time (or working to
restore their parenting). Although joint custody
fathers may have been under-represented in our
sample and non-custodial fathers
over-represented, the 82 participants spanned a
broad range: there were 58 de facto non-custodial
fathers, 11 in joint custody (shared parenting)
arrangements, 5 with sole custody, and 8 in some
form of mixed arrangement (with 4 of these 8
having shifted from being non-custodial dads in
the earlier post-divorce period to being joint
custodians of their children at interview-a small
but encouraging sign).
A significant number of fathers had little or no
contact with their children, even despite the
granting of legal "joint custody," a largely
meaningless legal term for fathers, as it is not
equivalent to shared parental responsibility
(40-60% of time with kids) in the majority of
cases. Further, fathers experience challenges
restoring a ruptured relationship even after the
child becomes an adult. Yet more than anything
else, fathers value their relationship with their
children; and as such, access denial is regarded
as a form of parent abuse, and for some fathers,
a gendered form of systemic father abuse,
although most fathers recognize that
non-custodial mothers experience the same kind of
grief resulting from their estrangement from
their children. Some fathers felt that access
denial may also be a form of child abuse.
Qualitative data
Results reveal one key finding previously
unreported in the father involvement literature:
fathers define the "best interests" of their
children in terms of their children's needs, and
these needs can be roughly divided into physical
and "metaphysical" needs. Both are important, as
in some cases physical needs prevail, and in
others emotional, psychological, social, moral
and spiritual needs are of paramount importance.
What children most need, say fathers, is a stable
parental (not "access" or visiting) relationship
with both their fathers and their mothers
("children need both parents"); they need to be
loved, and in no way felt to blame for their
parents' divorce; they need a sense of security,
safety and protection in often traumatizing
situations; they need food, shelter, clothing and
financial provision. Parental cooperation and
respect were also core themes discussed by
fathers; as were the needs for order; autonomy;
equality; truth and justice; play and physical
affection; encouragement, respect and
understanding; physical health and development;
and education. Interestingly, a number of fathers
identified the need for roots as central,
reflecting the view that this need of children is
most under threat in modern Western society. As
far as paternal responsibilities are concerned,
most fathers cited the responsibility to be there
for your kids, in some form of loving parental
capacity; followed closely by the notion that
fathers basically have only one responsibility:
respect for their children's needs, as "for every
need there is a corresponding obligation; for
every obligation a corresponding need." The
responsibilities of social institutions, as
predicted, focused on the responsibility to
support fathers in the fulfillment of their
parenting responsibilities, by means of equality
and fairness in court-determined post-divorce
parenting arrangements, with fathers recognized
as having equal rights to mothers vis-a-vis their
children.
In sum, fathers identified a wide variety of core
issues, focused mainly on child contact and
access, equality in parenting, and being valued
and supported as fathers and parents by social
institutions, but they also stressed the
financial costs of divorce and unfair child
support regulations, in the context of a
significantly lower standard of living than they
and their children could have. The findings are
extensive and this summary captures only a
fraction of the many themes explicated by the men
themselves.
SUMMARY OF FINDINGS:
A. OVERVIEW
Fathering is both a right and a responsibility.
But it isn't so much about entitlement as it is
about responsibility. Parenting is more about
giving than taking. Most important, children need
their fathers. Somehow it seems inadequate to
say, "I'm entitled to be your father;" rather, as
parents, it is up to us to say, "I am responsible
for you, as I best know your needs (along with
mothers). I am entitled to the support of social
institutions (such as the courts) in the
fulfillment of my parental responsibilities."
This is different than "I'm entitled to my
entitlements" and "the state should provide these
for me." Do not dishonour the father; honour the
father: children need to see their fathers and
mothers honoured by society to an equal degree.
My main recommendation is thus 50-50 shared
parenting when parents cannot agree on parenting
arrangements after separation, rebuttable only
when there is an investigated finding of child
abuse. Only then can a court make the decision to
remove a parent from the child's life, and even
then it is to act with great caution. At present
there is an epidemic of child removals via sole
custody judgments; rather than supporting
fathers, we take them away from their children's
lives--and this is a form of child abuse.
B. BACKGROUND TO PROJECT
A total of 82 separated and divorced fathers were
interviewed as part of a study utilizing
narrative analysis to examine fathers' stories
about their divorces, particularly in regard to
their relationship with their children, and
grounded theory analysis to uncover core themes
related to fathers' perceptions of their
children's needs during the divorce transition,
and their paternal responsibilities vis-à-vis
these needs. Fathers were recruited via divorced
father associations and word of mouth, after
attempts at recruitment via professional service
organizations failed. Over 150 fathers from
southwestern British Columbia, mainly Greater
Vancouver and South Vancouver Island, volunteered
to participate in the project. For many, this was
their first opportunity to tell their story,
despite lengthy histories of involvement with the
legal system, and to reflect on their experiences.
The data are rich and the themes that have
emerged from the analysis extremely varied, yet
certain core constructs are common to almost all
fathers. In particular, both the concepts of
paternal rights and paternal responsibilities are
important to fathers, and for the majority, each
has been violated within the present legal or
adversarial structure of child custody
determination in Canada. The divorce industry as
a whole is regarded as a system that oppresses
men as fathers, in addition to oppressing women
as mothers, extended family members, and most
importantly, children from separated and divorced
families whose parents cannot agree on parenting
arrangements and the court has become involved in
determining what these shall be. Specifically,
two central issues stand out for fathers: the
need to replace legal sole custody with legal
shared parenting; and the need for access
enforcement. Although fathers are divided with
respect to the salience of each of the latter two
concepts, the great majority consider both as
critical issues affecting separated and divorced
fathers in Canada today.
C. PRELIMINARY RESULTS
Quantitative data
Results show a sharp discontinuity between pre-
and post-divorce parent-child living
arrangements, more marked than reported in
earlier studies, in the direction of equal or
shared parenting shifting to primary maternal
custody. Whereas 38 of 82 fathers reported shared
parenting arrangements before divorce (defined as
the point of physical parental separation), only
10 of 82 reported shared parenting arrangements
after divorce. Whereas 20 of 82 fathers reported
primary maternal care arrangements before
divorce, 62 of 82 reported primary maternal care
arrangements after divorce. Second, inasmuch as
it addresses the core needs of children, the most
salutary post-divorce living arrangement for
children, according to 70 of the 82 fathers, is
equal or shared parenting. Only 4 fathers
identified primary paternal care, and 4 primary
maternal care, in this regard. Third, insofar as
it addresses the core needs of children, fathers
believe that the most responsible legal approach
to child custody determination is that of shared
parenting as a presumption, rebuttable in cases
of established family violence or child abuse;
sixty four of 82 fathers identified the need for
such a presumption, while only 4 identified the
approximation standard (as endorsed by the
American Law Institute) and 2 a maternal
caregiver presumption. Sixty nine of 82 fathers
were in favour of some form of mandatory family
mediation. Finally, divorced fathers are quite
diverse in regard to their attitudes and opinions
about fathering: for some a shared parenting
presumption is the priority, for others access
enforcement; some see one dominant unfulfilled
need in their children resulting from father
absence, others see many; some are focused on
fathers' rights, others simply on being supported
to fulfill their parental responsibilities. On
certain key points, however, fathers agree: both
rights and responsibilities are important, and
must be in balance; both shared parenting and
access enforcement are important and related
issues; and, most important, the "best interests
of the child" is equivalent to the child's needs,
and certain needs stick out-and crucially require
father involvement for need fulfillment.
The participants were a diverse and
representative group demographically, ranging in
age from their 20's to 70's, with most in their
40's and 50's, most working full-time and
parenting their kids full-time (or working to
restore their parenting). Although joint custody
fathers may have been under-represented in our
sample and non-custodial fathers
over-represented, the 82 participants spanned a
broad range: there were 58 de facto non-custodial
fathers, 11 in joint custody (shared parenting)
arrangements, 5 with sole custody, and 8 in some
form of mixed arrangement (with 4 of these 8
having shifted from being non-custodial dads in
the earlier post-divorce period to being joint
custodians of their children at interview-a small
but encouraging sign).
A significant number of fathers had little or no
contact with their children, even despite the
granting of legal "joint custody," a largely
meaningless legal term for fathers, as it is not
equivalent to shared parental responsibility
(40-60% of time with kids) in the majority of
cases. Further, fathers experience challenges
restoring a ruptured relationship even after the
child becomes an adult. Yet more than anything
else, fathers value their relationship with their
children; and as such, access denial is regarded
as a form of parent abuse, and for some fathers,
a gendered form of systemic father abuse,
although most fathers recognize that
non-custodial mothers experience the same kind of
grief resulting from their estrangement from
their children. Some fathers felt that access
denial may also be a form of child abuse.
Qualitative data
Results reveal one key finding previously
unreported in the father involvement literature:
fathers define the "best interests" of their
children in terms of their children's needs, and
these needs can be roughly divided into physical
and "metaphysical" needs. Both are important, as
in some cases physical needs prevail, and in
others emotional, psychological, social, moral
and spiritual needs are of paramount importance.
What children most need, say fathers, is a stable
parental (not "access" or visiting) relationship
with both their fathers and their mothers
("children need both parents"); they need to be
loved, and in no way felt to blame for their
parents' divorce; they need a sense of security,
safety and protection in often traumatizing
situations; they need food, shelter, clothing and
financial provision. Parental cooperation and
respect were also core themes discussed by
fathers; as were the needs for order; autonomy;
equality; truth and justice; play and physical
affection; encouragement, respect and
understanding; physical health and development;
and education. Interestingly, a number of fathers
identified the need for roots as central,
reflecting the view that this need of children is
most under threat in modern Western society. As
far as paternal responsibilities are concerned,
most fathers cited the responsibility to be there
for your kids, in some form of loving parental
capacity; followed closely by the notion that
fathers basically have only one responsibility:
respect for their children's needs, as "for every
need there is a corresponding obligation; for
every obligation a corresponding need." The
responsibilities of social institutions, as
predicted, focused on the responsibility to
support fathers in the fulfillment of their
parenting responsibilities, by means of equality
and fairness in court-determined post-divorce
parenting arrangements, with fathers recognized
as having equal rights to mothers vis-a-vis their
children.
In sum, fathers identified a wide variety of core
issues, focused mainly on child contact and
access, equality in parenting, and being valued
and supported as fathers and parents by social
institutions, but they also stressed the
financial costs of divorce and unfair child
support regulations, in the context of a
significantly lower standard of living than they
and their children could have. The findings are
extensive and this summary captures only a
fraction of the many themes explicated by the men
themselves.
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