Eight years ago I became stepmom to a little 18 month old girl. One of the reasons I was drawn to my husband was because of the visible bond his had with his baby. They were so close and it was beautiful. For the next 2 ½ years we parented her halftime and I became a second mom to her. She went with us everywhere and when her first little brother was born they became the best of friends.
When she was 4 her mother moved about 2 hours away. We arranged for regular visitation – the standard every other weekend, 4 weeks in the summer, etc. The Court Order was never followed. My husband had to fight and argue over every single scheduled visit to insure that it would happen which it seldom did. My husband’s visitation has steadily deteriorated and now we see his 9 ½ year old girl two days a month – tops. Out of the past 365 days we have seen her 22.
My husband was his daughter’s primary caregiver for the first four years of her life. It's so sad to see my stepdaughter lying for her mother and becoming so disconnected from her dad, brothers and extended family. Why are some parents like this? I could never put my children through what my stepdaughter is being put through - being told that we are "bad", "angry", "abusive". And we are powerless. My husband is only the father after all and we live and operate in a society that doesn't value fatherhood or the father/child relationship.
One problem is that in Canada, the US and other countries access orders are not enforceable by law – child support payments are though. We pay our money every month without fail yet there is no recourse for parent/child estrangement.
The second problem is that there are some parents who simply refuse to put aside their bitterness, jealousy and hatred for the sake of their kids.
***
A few years ago I created a petition to try to make access orders enforceable by law. You can find it here:
www.thepetitionsite.com/takeac...9879114
When she was 4 her mother moved about 2 hours away. We arranged for regular visitation – the standard every other weekend, 4 weeks in the summer, etc. The Court Order was never followed. My husband had to fight and argue over every single scheduled visit to insure that it would happen which it seldom did. My husband’s visitation has steadily deteriorated and now we see his 9 ½ year old girl two days a month – tops. Out of the past 365 days we have seen her 22.
My husband was his daughter’s primary caregiver for the first four years of her life. It's so sad to see my stepdaughter lying for her mother and becoming so disconnected from her dad, brothers and extended family. Why are some parents like this? I could never put my children through what my stepdaughter is being put through - being told that we are "bad", "angry", "abusive". And we are powerless. My husband is only the father after all and we live and operate in a society that doesn't value fatherhood or the father/child relationship.
One problem is that in Canada, the US and other countries access orders are not enforceable by law – child support payments are though. We pay our money every month without fail yet there is no recourse for parent/child estrangement.
The second problem is that there are some parents who simply refuse to put aside their bitterness, jealousy and hatred for the sake of their kids.
***
A few years ago I created a petition to try to make access orders enforceable by law. You can find it here:
www.thepetitionsite.com/takeac...9879114
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Vancouver
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